Okay, I have Chiari. I go to the most condescending doctor I have every met. I'm searching for reassurance and get none. Only attitude. She wants to focus on the migraines. But, the migraines are a symptom of the Chiari. I can live with the migraines. I can't keep falling. She scoffs at me when I tell her I want to see a neurosurgeon for a second opinion. The receptionist still gave me the number though! Guess what her primary focus was on when she got her DO? Fucking headaches. Honestly.
Dr. "L" is cocky like many surgeons. We decide surgery is the best option. He explains that my brain is too big for my skull and it's protruding into my spinal column. It's blocking my spinal fluid. He's going to do a decompression surgery.
I looked it up on YouTube.
Big fucking mistake.
The day of my surgery my nurse asks what I am there for. Once I tell her, she feels sorry for me. She looks at me with pity in her eyes and asks if she can hug me. Of course! I'm a hugger and I'm scared. Dr. "L" comes in he tries to reassure me. He's done this many times. At 28 I'm the youngest he's ever done this surgery on. He's optimistic. He tells me the only complication is rare. It's possible that spinal fluid will leak out of my incision. He's never had a patient have any complications with this particular surgery. He tells me I'll be fine. I believe him.
Man was he fucking wrong.
I guess someone has to be the first.
I wake up in the ICU with nurses frantically talking about my blood pressure.
My mouth feels like it's full of sand. I've never been so thirsty in my life.
I hear worried voices talking about me: "She's maxed out on meds" "Her BP is too high"
I'm alert now and there's blood in my hair and an almost blinding pain on the back of my head.
My mother feeds me ice chips and in that moment they are the best thing I have ever tasted.
A nurse helps me put up my bloody matted hair.
I vomit.
I'm in the ICU for the duration of my stay so I am not allowed to see my children. I miss them.
I am sent home and given a long list of things I'm no longer allowed to do. No bike riding, no contact sports, no roller coasters, never able to ride a motorcycle, no trampolines, dangerous to have any more babies, be careful bending down, no racing formula one cars.
The next four weeks are a blur. My husband becomes my nurse. My sister becomes my nurse. My mother and in-laws take turns caring for my children.
This was only the beginning.
Fuck this.
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